Random stupidity
by ColdGoldLazarus
Summary: A series of Crackfics.
1. Chapter 1

**Hee hee. I felt like it, that's my excuse. i took a break from Distraction to write this because i was just in a silly mood. **

**Enjoy!**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~One-sided Winged beast + 1~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Yes, I was created to destroy you. Yes, I was meant to hurt you.

But when I saw your handsome, haughty face, I couldn't. The others mean nothing to me; they can all die for all I care. But you, I love.

When I bust through that window, I saw your surprised expression. I knew then that I would never hurt you. The fat one tries to hurt me, but it can't. I do wonder why you try to run and hide from me, why you chose to associate with this filth. But I remind myself that that is your upbringing. You don't know any better.

You lead them to a shaft with strong, leadership words. Just hearing your voice sends a tingle up my spine.

I am now trapped in a fiery room. It is simple for me to break out the other window, but as I fly outside, watching you lovingly, I cannot help but marvel at your intelligence.

You slip and fall; I bank to try to catch you, to save you. The tubby warrior reaches down. No! Don't hurt my beloved! I attack your antagonist, but one of the others lifts a piece of metal like a mirror, putting off my aim. Does he want you to be hurt?

You are now on the aircraft's wing, and I am not too far behind. I walk forward, wanting to hold you, protect you from these violent others.

I hear a noise behind me; I turn to see another evil one trying to stab me. With a simple flick, this is also sent into my range of aim. Why do you hide behind the fat one, as if he would protect you? Don't you see he's trying to hurt you?

The new one rushes for me again, but my harpoon easily stops it. I pull it towards me; this will be the first sacrifice to my master. The chubby one foils my plan; he cuts the cable. The cord snaps through the air, attaching itself to a large propeller. Even though I know I am trapped, I make one last attempt to save you.

The small one holds you tightly, holding you hostage. I reach up and hold your cape. I must save you. You speak with your jailer; I cannot understand your words, but your tone is clear; you ask him to release you. I lift my claw to strike him down, to save you.

But then you do something shocking. You release your cape, sending me tumbling down to certain death. In my last moments of life, I finally realize the truth. You never loved me, and I was wrong to place my trust in you. The pain of knowing this is worse than the pain of being shredded to pieces by the propeller.

Goodbye, my love.

**Yeah... I hope you liked it. even if you didn't like it, i hope you liked it anyway.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Because everyone asked for more, I decided to comply... and this is the result. no pairing here, but still rather humorous!**

**6 is trying to be helpful… 5 is not amused **

One morning in the sanctuary, Five woke up to a tingling feeling. He turned is head to see a striped back exiting his room. He leapt up and chased the retreating figure down the hallway, but Six had disappeared.

Mmm. Oh, well.

He walked down to Two's workshop, where Seven was still recovering. She'd had an accident the other day in the emptiness, but refused to say what happened. It had obviously been damaging to her pride, so no one really pressed the issue.

Two was already bustling about, while the twins sat by Seven, clicking and flashing at her.

As soon as everyone saw Five standing in the doorway, they burst into laughter. Even the twins were overtaken by silent giggles, rolling on the floor. Five immediately became irritated. "What's so funny?"

"You don't (hee hee) know? Oh, (ha ha ha) well."

Five left.

He went across the main room to the bucket elevator and began to winch himself up to the throne room. As much as he disliked One, the leader would probably tell him what was going on.

He entered the throne room, walking up the red carpet.

As soon as One saw him, he became rather irritated. "If you're trying to cheer me up, it won't work! I refuse to be involved in your shenanigans!"

"What?"

"Don't give me that. You know exactly what I'm talking about!"

"Actually, I don't."

One just harrumphed and ignored him. Eight did the same.

So that left one option left. Five wasn't too happy with it, but it was the only thing he could do. He went over to the oil can in the corner and knocked on the metal. A moment later, a pair of mismatched eyes popped into sight through a gap in the material. "So did you like it?"

"Like what?"

"Oh." Six's face fell. "I made you a new eye." The artist pulled out a broken piece of mirror so Five could see.

He had drawn a circle with a dot on the eye patch. Five found himself laughing. Now it all made sense; why everyone was laughing, why One was being crabby. (Not that he wasn't normally)

Six, however, seemed sad. "You don't like it?"

"No, I do. But I'll have to change it because everyone else will laugh at me."

"Okay."

Five set a hand on the other's striped shoulder. "Thank you for trying to help."

Six lightened up a bit at that.

* * *

The patch was replaced easily once Two stopped laughing, and Six profusely apologized over and over. Each time that happened, however, Five just smiled and said "it's okay."

The next morning, he awoke to tingling again. This time, he saw Seven exiting the room, holding a long blue stick.

Five resignedly walked to the workshop. Two, without a word, held up the broken mirror piece.

"I'll kill them all. Every last one of them." Five muttered as he left.

On his face, two lines had been drawn above his mouth, creating the impression of a human mustache.

**yeah.**

**this is my monstrsity...**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm not as happy with this one, but a promise is a promise, and when I tried to fix it, it only came out worse. sigh :(**

**Just to let you know, this one is supposed to be humanized.**

**Thanks to all of you who reveiwed and favorited!**

**Also, this will probably be the last ficlet for this collection.**

"Seven? Five and I are going out for drinks. You wanna come along?" Nine sat by the door to his wife's room, waiting for a response.

When nothing happened, he began to worry.

Nine stood up and walked past Five, who was staring into space vacantly, and opened the door. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you need help? Wanna go out for drinks?" he asked in rapid succession.

Seven was fine, putting on eyeliner. "Umm…" Nine said, suddenly self-conscious. A moment later, Seven stood up and shoved him outside and shut the door. "Let me get ready!" she yelled.

Nine stood up and brushed himself off, then picked up Five, who had fallen asleep and was snoring with a high-pitched squeak. He looked at his friend and left him. A few moments later, Seven came out and they headed off, leaving Five sleeping on the ground.

As they exited the building they'd claimed as home, Seven had a sudden thought. "Where are Three and Four? You know they're not responsible enough to be home alone, and Five isn't mature enough to watch them!"

"Oh, don't worry. I invited Six over. He seemed really happy once I mentioned Three." Nine had covered all the bases to make sure this night out would be the best they've had yet. Five's falling asleep had been good luck… and sleeping pills.

They arrived at a ruined, broken-down building with a sign hanging over it that said **PUB**. It took a few moments to locate the destroyed door, and then they entered. Nine hummed a fanfare. He finished in a crescendo, then put the flute away and looked around to see if anyone had noticed them. All the pub's inhabitants were nursing their drinks, facing away. Just like always.

Nine and Seven sat down on a pair of barstools at the counter and rang for the barkeeper. Moments later, a burly-but-disheveled man walked out from behind a crate and held out a pair of filled mugs.

As the couple took them, the barkeeper leaned in and whispered to them. "I've seen you here before, but I wasn't sure if you were here to stay, or just visiting. Either way, you're new to the neighborhood, and now I know you aren't passing through like everyone else, you need to be introduced to everyone." They nodded.

"My name's Eight. I used to be a magnet addict, but now I'm better. My whole advertising thingy is more flavor, less potency." He gestured to a lonely looking elder in pope-like attire. "That's One. He comes here every so often . Doesn't talk much except to complain about his job."

Eight paused a moment to collect his thoughts, then continued. "There are two other guys who are regulars. Don't know why they're not here tonight. Two, who's a cheerful fellow, kinda stalks One. Then the other is Five, a nice guy, soft spoken. Intimidated by everyone except Two."

"I know Five!" Nine burst out.

"Thought you would. You two seem like you would be good friends."

Then his expression darkened. "And those…" he pointed over at a group of people sitting in a dark corner, "are the fab gang. They've been terrorizing the neighborhood for years. Nasty business."

The one that seemed to be the ringleader had a large tattoo of an eye on his bicep and wore a muscle shirt. Then the next one had a big coat and acted very fidgety. The third was a tall, pale woman, wearing a black dress with many pockets. However, the fourth made Nine blink and squint. It was a beefy guy who was wearing _a monocle _and _fake cat ears_?

Nine shook his head at the bizzarity, and turned back to the talkative barkeeper.


End file.
